"...He prayeth well, who loveth well, Both man and bird and beast.

He prayeth best, who loveth best, All things both great and small;
for the dear God who loveth us, He made and loveth all..."

The Rime of the Anchient Mariner -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I'm Not an Idealist

I had breakfast with a friend in Atlanta today & he pointed out the obvious fact (that I had not really thought about) that I'm leaving in a Month + Seven Days. The only part of the statement that didin't bewilder me was the fact that I'm leaving. "Leaving" implies I'm returning...which is good.

When I think of 'leaving,' I have this nebulous concept of indescribable change...AND HOW DO YOU PREPARE for 'indescribable change'??? I have general notion of what needs to be done (packing, buying, flying, visiting) & a daily planner to help me make sure I don't miss the important stuff, but really?

The one question that went through my mind all day as I was driving was: What does all this mean? I saw the PC poll on the website, asking 'what we expect will be the biggest benefit of service, professional v. cultural.' I didn't vote b/c, while I think I will reap great professional and cultural experiences, I think there is something bigger.

I'm not an idealist, I'm just trying desparately to make sense of the world around me. I have this sense of being propelled into a destiny (that I have never had before, and many may never have), and for the next Month + Seven Days, I am determined to enjoy it & be very grateful.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Life Changing Events and Coincedences


Long drives give you a lot of time to think about stuff. I drove through a section of the Blue Ridge Parkway (BRP) in VA, then onto SC to visit with friends of the family today.

The BRP is gorgeous & it made me think how lucky I was to experience this part of the country. I tried to memorize everything I saw, so that I could vividly describe this sceane one day...but that's pretty impossible so I ended up taking pictures.

I think in our busy lives, it's way too easy to become numb to the beauty around us. At some point in our lives we stopped being amazed at life around us. I always kid around that certain things 'will change your life' (e.g. reading a book or using my salt Grinder changed my life etc)... So anyway, I think we should be open to letting our lives be changed by small things.

On another note, I should report what I call my 'Mexico Coincidence.' Since getting invited to Mexico, I had found a lot of random Mexico stuff as I was packing (pesos, coins, Mex soccer team jacket). To report the on-going nature of this coincidence, 1) I ran a 5k on Sunday and got a shirt: Made in Mexico & 2) Yesterday, I found matches from a great restuarance called "el malcajuete" from Vera Cruz when I was there in 2006...then today I'm driving down the interstate when I see the a billboard advertizing a Mexican Restaurant called (what else) "el malcajuete"!!

I could go on, but all signs point to Mexico & to Peace Corps (litterally...which is another coincidence story all together).

I still get sad to think about the farewells I've already made and the ones I will soon make...to my family...but I'm good at postponing my feelings as a coping mechanism (good or bad, idk).

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Epoch of Change

No matter how badly we want change in our lives, it never comes easy; in fact, I sometimes believe there is nothing harder because we somehow find solace in existance as we know it.

Today I left my life in Marinsburg WV; it marked the end of a three-year tour of duty. It was full of blessings, but more often than not, I kind of just thought I was biding my time for something else. For over a year I would wake up in the morning and ask: what am I going to do? I had a lot of anxiety about the future (most likely to avert my attention from my daily routine).

I looked for answers & I found them in growing closer with my walk with God...and everything else fell into place.

Sometimes I cry because I'm so humbled at the direction my life is taking. These last few days I've cried because I'm sad to leave my life & friends behind...maybe b/c I'm scared too, idk.

Anyway, this is the natural progression of change...in perfect time. I've thought & prepared and I'm ready.

I'll be blogging more now since driving often makes me relfect. I think my next topic will expound upon my quest for personal growth...